N° 24 Ein Entscheidender Moment // A Crucial Moment

 

 

Manchmal kenn ein winziger Zeitabschnitt, - ein Augenblick entscheidend sein. Lebensentscheidend.  Und manchmal kann die Schilderung eines Erlebnisses so eindringlich sein, dass vor dem eigenen inneren Auge ein Film abläuft, so als wäre man selbst dabei. Dabei ist es egal, ob man es mündlich oder schriftlich erzählt bekommt. Eine Erzählung aus Südamerika hat einen solchen Film in meinem Kopf ausgelöst, eine kurze Flut intensiver Bilder, eine Stimmung, die ich in einen imaginären Monolog gefasst habe, aus der Sicht der Person, die unter den Konsequenzen eines Impulses in einem entscheidenden Augenblick gelitten hat:

 

 

Sometimes a tiny strap of time, a moment can be crucial, - it can even turn a whole life around. And sometimes the narrative of such a crucial experience in a person’s life can be so catching, it evokes a flood of images in the mind of the listener, as if he/she was a part of the action. Like a short-movie produced by your own brain. It doesn’t really matter if you hear the narration directly from a person or if you read it somewhere.

I’ve listened to such a story from South America lately and my mind got flooded with intense images and words. This story had a certain feel to it which obviously caught me. So I wrote a monologue from the imaginative point of view of the person who suffered from the effects of one unfortunate impulse in a crucial moment of his life:

 

 

 

White Lions

 

 

I can only walk in circles here,

I can only glance as far as the next concrete wall.

To my left: concrete

To my right: concrete

Hard cobble stones under my feet

High above in the sky

A patch of blue to fill my eyes.

 

If above were below

I could drown myself in the flow

Of a white cloud-lion in blue.

 

Baby, it sounds fair

That you should be here.

Baby, it sounds fair

That you should get your share.

 

White lions streaming through blue air

Leaving behind a yearning, a loss and a fear.

White lions streaming through my soul

During freezing nights, as black as coal.

When I’m sitting here awake,

Remembering the blade

Eyes fixed on another patch of lesser grey.

 

Hey Baby, out in the world!

Don’t you think it’d be fair

That you’d be here?

 

White lions...and the night

Starts to fill my mind

Like the black bitter coffe

The one from the fuel station by the road

I’ve left behind.

There are no more roads for me now

None but those in my mind.

 

White ribbons and purple and blue

On your wedding day.

I saw your black curls and couldn’t,

Just couldn’t drink your promise away!

I can still hear your voice and your words

They cut through my mind

But nothing left for me now

All just hatred and grind.

 

I can remember your eyes burning in his

And how I couldn’t resist the feeling,

The urge to cut and destroy,

To beat and crush.

White lions, Baby

Where streaming through my soul

As I dropped the knife.

 

Now you are a widow,

Unmarried, your hopes destroyed.

And I’m sitting here

Between concrete walls and barrs

To merely exist in a void.

 

Yeah, - I think it would be fair

If you’d be sitting right there

So I could ask you why

Why wouldn’t you give me a second chance?

No need for me then to sit here

For vain romance

For a moment of rage and indulgence

And other people’s revenge.

 

You said words count for nothing

And you’d know me and my kind

But let me tell you this Babe,

And get it in your mind:

 

A deed is words unspoken

And I hope you will hear me scream

Forever in your head, girl

Without one night left for sleep!

 

For you should sit with me here

Holding your lies in your lap

Be awake with me here

On this itchy, pitchy bed

On a white lions head!

 

 

BerylliumN