02/2020 Conversations With A Scholastic/Part II

Part II   Watch out for worms!


About a week later, Wren sat opposite me, leaning back in his chair with a content smile on his face.

Wren: "How are you, B.? Have you had a nice weekend?"

I: "My weekend was quite fine, yes. Thanks. And yours?"

Wren: "I've been clubbing and had fun...so yes, it was good...but one thing I cannot understand..."

He paused. I knew he was waiting for me to ask what 'thing' he couldn't understand. I remembered my last conversation with him about his views and felt a bit reluctant to get into another one...but well...I did what is conventionally expected.

I: "What can't you understand, Wren?"

Wren: "These women...."

I thought 'oh dear'!

Wren: "I mean, - old women...why are they doing that? Why are they dressing as if they were young and hang around in clubs...?"

In my imagination I saw grandmas twirling around on the dancefloor while their elderly friends are sitting at the bar with heavily painted faces, slurping cocktails, dressed up in high-heels.

I: "What do you mean 'old women'?"

Wren: "Don't know...about 50, maybe...?"

While my jaw dropped he went on:

Wren: "I mean, they've had their youth and their lives. Now it's the time for them to stay at home and rock their grandchildren on their knees...so what are they on about?? They mustn't hang out in bars or clubs. It's not nice. It's indecorous...!"

I checked if he was serious...he was. Then I started to laugh heartily. He looked at me in surprise.

I: "So you are saying within the next 2 - 5 years I shouldn't be allowed in a club anymore, or a bar?"

His face went red and he spluttered:

Wren: "Oh! I didn't know you are... er...are you going to clubs or discos?"

I found his aptitude for embarrassing himself rather amusing. He really wasn't much of a brainiac obviously...or was he? Maybe he just didn't give a damn? However, I answered.

I: "Oh no, I never was, never liked it much, you see. But if I would want to go to a club now or whenever I wish, you surely wouldn't forbid me to go, right?"

I looked him straight in the eyes and again I sensed that he will give me the 'correct' answer for the sake of not getting into trouble, - but only for that and not a fathom more. Also I could see that he kind of liked me in a way and didn't want to hurt my feelings, therefore he tried to keep the topic on a non-personal but rather a general level in order to get his point across.

Wren: "You see...why would these women go through all this trouble? Do they, in their age, want to hit on young men?...for shagging??! That's not a thing for respectable grown-up women!"

This was so odd that I couldn't do anything but smile in amazement. He didn't seem to realise what his comments implied on both, - a general and a personal level...so I tried something else.

I: "But Wren, why do you care what these women do? Did one hit on you? Did they offend you in any way?"

He shook his head several times but said nothing.

I: "So why are they bothering you?"

This question needed one or two moments of his consideration before he finally replied.

Wren: "The club doesn't look good anymore. I'm young, I want to see young, pretty girls in there."

I wanted to leave it be, but after some minutes he added.

Wren: "It's not good in the face of God...there's a time for everything, a time for each age where you do certain things, then others. But here it is all mixed up and confused. It shouldn't be like that."

Well, I didn't respond to that and we left this conversation with a hint of affront, resent and anger on my side (again). And because I can't help reflecting on things I thought about it for a while. For me it is astonishing to which degree the course of life in these cultures is irrevocably graded in sections, fixed and linked to unquestionable traditions and restricted by conventions. So called 'normal' people never seem to stand up against those rules...I guess this would be considered as most indecorous... :-) Not only that, it rather seems to be an absolute no-go for every single individual.

I also reflected upon our western attitude, our position, I considered if there could be a tiny something to his point of view... My conclusion was and is that it might not be bad to hear such things from time to time as kind of a counter-weight or a reminder...from a priest or a philosopher, in order to put one's own demeanour into perspective. But the crucial point is that my decision what to do or not to do will then be my own choice. Everyone should choose his/her ways based on free will, with the inherent option for personal insight and consideration. If the way I choose is going to lead to conflict with myself, other people or institutions, then I will have to deal with the consequences. But such things can never be written in law, neither should they be allowed to become unwritten law or a strict 'code of conduct', which might be even worse because the restrictions and no-goes will get engraved in people's minds and do even more harm by going deeper. Then I asked myself: but where is the line between decency and restrictions? We do have protocols and codes of conduct too of course, you wouldn't get served in a restaurant if you showed up in your underwear for instance. So where's the difference? And the fact that I even asked myself this question is part of the problem I quickly realised. Because the difference is that he said "shouldn't be allowed" and that he was only referring to women. Then I got even more angry. How is he doing that? How did he worm his views into my thoughts? Is it because we are brought up with the pretension to question ourselves rather then just follow directives?  

I realised for a second time that I could only accept such a thing by being brain washed....and that I need to watch out for worm-holes... ;-)

BerylliumN

01/2020/ Conversations With A Scholastic

Hi folks! I know, it's been a while but well...sometimes plans clash with reality. So here's a record of conversations I've had with "Wren":

 

Part I

For the safety of personal data and respect for privacy I will call the person I‘ve

spoken to „Wren“ and will not refer to the circumstances or the location where these

conversations took place.

Wren enters the room looking distressed, upset and tired.

Wren: „Good morning, B.! How are you?“

I: „I‘m fine and you? You look upset...“

Wren, looking even more tense, emptying his pockets on the desk.

„I‘m ok...I didn‘t get much sleep last night, had to get up early...couldn‘t get a coffe at

the station… I‘ve got a lot on my mind, you know?...do you want tea?“

I: „ No thanks. Why couldn‘t you get much sleep?“

Wren: „Really? I‘ll make tea for myself anyway, you see...“

I: „No thanks!“

Wren: Two friends showed up late last night. They stayed until 2.30 am...I had to get 

up at 6 am...“

I: „Oh boy! Why didn‘t you tell them to shove off and explained...they can visit 

another day surely…?“

Wren, shaking his head: „No, you can‘t do that in my culture. It would be very rude…

I‘ve got black tea, peppermint, black with lemon...are you sure you don‘t want tea?“

I, becoming slightly annoyed about forced-upon-me-tea: „No thanks! I don‘t want tea 

right now!“

Wren looks at me as if I‘ve just been rude, - which makes me uncomfortable. He 

continues to prepare his tea with a frown.

I: „So why couldn‘t you get a coffe at the station?“

Wren: „Because it was ten to seven...“

I: „What?“

Wren: „The coffe-shop opens at 7h am, I arrived at 10 to 7, there was a young woman, 

cleaning tables, the door was already open. She said it wasn‘t open yet and waved a 

hand at me like I was a dog. I tried to explain that I can‘t wait 10 minutes because I‘d 

miss my train. She got angry and looked at me with an ugly-aggressive face and told 

me that if I don‘t leave right now she‘d call the police...imagine that! The police! 

Why? Because I asked her for an exception?! I said to her: you are a devil!, and left.“

I, amazed: „The devil?“

Wren, agitated with anger: „Yes, the devil. Because women must always be gentle and 

friendly.“

I, getting a bit angry myself: „You do realise you are talking to a woman, right?“

He looks at me, slightly embarrassed: „...er...“

I: „How can you say a woman „should“ always be gentle and friendly??!“

Wren, grinning a bit insecure, but still visibly upset: „Yeah, well, but this was a very 

young woman, almost a girl and I am a man and she should be friendly. It is not nice 

talking to people like that.“

I: „Ah! Don‘t you think then that people in general should speak in a polite and 

friendly way with each other, especially in public...out of respect and common 

decency?“

Wren, trying to get out of this in kind of a „correct“ way: „Hmm, yes, you‘re right.  

People should be polite with each other.“

I can see in his expression that he is saying that, but thinking something else.

I: „Anyway, who says that women should always be gentle...you?“

Wren: „Yes, me. And it‘s written in The Book.“

At this point he put his ear-plugs in and started to watch movies on his Smartphone.

This conversation left me puzzled, a bit angry and uncomfortable. I couldn‘t contradict

or argue about what was written in The Book because I haven‘t read it. So I left it 

there. But I thought: nobody could make me „always be friendly and gentle“ because I 

am a woman...except I was brain washed, or I had to become sort of professionally 

false and duplicitous in my behavior towards people. I wouldn‘t want that either.

BerylliumN